#66 of 101 | i suck + i will get better | i can’t quit

( Goal is 220 pounds on my 101 Things To Do in 1001 days. )

this is one of those rambling posts that happen late at night with no punctuation or capitals.


enough is enough.  i’ve only played ball once last year.  very disappointed in myself.  many days i think about doing something to get into better shape.  many days i do nothing.

that is changing.  being active is now the rule for my health and well being.  not happy with where the last 12 months has taken me.

this has to stop.  i’m not happy with myself.  i’m not happy with how i look and feel.  i don’t want to be fat anymore.    i tried before and fell off the bandwagon.

i want to be strong.

i want to be healthy.

i want to eat more clean foods.  no more fucking pizza late at night when i’m alone.


i want to be a good role model for my kids.

i want to be alive to see them grow up.

i want to be confident in the clothes i wear.

i want more upper body strength.

i want to loose weight around my mid section.

tennis, walking to work, biking to work, swimming, hoops, running, yoga and watching what i put into my pie hole will be the key.


the last woman i was with was stunning.  absolutely fucking beautiful and i was so lucky to spend time with her.  i need to be healthy and fit for me but sometimes we all want to feel confident in our skin and want to look good for the others we spend intimate moments with.  when i was with her nothing in the world mattered.  we had the craziest weekends together.  the craziest sex.   i want to be better and going in the right direction for whoever is in my life.  i want to do i for them… and i want to do it for me.

time to get serious and be on the record and accountable to me.  i wish i really pushed myself one year ago at this time.  can’t go back.  only can work on the “today” and nothing else.  forward progress will happen if you focus on the “today”



i need to improve my conditioning.

i need to improve my footwork.

i need to improve my handles.

i need to push myself.

i will be 51 years old in April of 2022 and i’m not going to look like i’m in high school weighing a buck sixty with size 34 jeans.  i’m not going to be a great basketball player either… but i want to be able to run and defend and jump and attack.


i will post one of those embarrassing at the moment full body in a mirror selfies in 1 year of the before and after.


i’m jealous of runners.  purely jealous.  i will try and catch you.

i will post my measurements down below.

my focus: yoga, basketball, running, tennis, swimming and weights.

That will change!

Embarrasing as it is… if I don’t type it… it won’t give me the motivation.

I want to be attractive to someone.  I will be.

All my posts regarding my journey about weight loss can will be found here

Enough is Enough | Shed Pounds


I can remember two years ago being around 247 pounds and going into the winter it was creeping up and I went into the 250’s and into the 260’s, 270’s.  Being single without giving any fucks… it went to 280’s and 90’s.

The reason was nutrition and food intake alone.  I was some-what active but it was not eating enough calories and eating the wrong types at the wrong times.  I’m a very happy person and very positive but looking back I’ve noticed I’m down in the dumps and not living the life I want to live.  I got a tattoo with the word “enough” to try and make me focus.

it was hard.  i went the other direction.

add loose it photo here

I signed up for a Gym membership at Fit-4-Less and I’ve even downloaded the “Lose It” app on my phone to track food intake and my smartwatch tracks other stuff with my body.  6 months ago you can see me tracking my food above.  Honestly… I fell off that bandwagon that I started at the beginning of this year.  Maybe lasted 7 weeks.

Since then… I have gone to the gym but not enough.  Plus what you put into your “pie hole” is what’s important and will make it count.

In May… I went to play basketball and you just get such a wake up call.  I kicked some ass on the court… but I could be so much better.  I wanted to play half court and not full court.  I could not run.

In 2019… I failed.  I didn’t have a tennis partner and I didn’t go to the courts once, since I could not run with the young bucks.  Now… that the covid lockdown is over… there is no excuses.

2022 will be different.  I’m not posting the “before” photo now… but later when I have the “after” photo… then I can do the side by side.

Date: December 2nd, 2019

Weight: 306 lbs / Height: 6’1″ / Age: 48

Bicepts: 14.25 inches

Breast: 48 inches

Mid Belly: 51 inches

Waist: 46.5 inches

Thighs: 24 inches

Calf: 17.25 inches

Honest food tracking and the gym routine.  my little yoga app and my Nike Training Club app.  I have gym buddies and the desire to be attractive to “my mind” so I can feel confident to be with someone and be attractive to them.  I have crushes on people.  The world should not be one sided.

Today is day zero.

Weight goal is 220 pounds and be a little swell in the arms and shoulders.  It’s all in my belly and that mutha fucker has got to go!  i need to be a little bit fuckable 😉


March 1st, 2022

Previous Post: Goal220 in my 101 Things To Do In 1001 Days

Streetball + Hoops + Old Love = Needs Rekindling


horrible summer with not getting out and being active.  with the summer coming to a close… i miss my passion.  i miss the courts.  the courts are calming and it’s my church.  nobody has any problems when they play.  they can’t see outside the lines.  only the things happening inside the lines matter.  you can’t hear the world.  you only hear the game.

fall is upon us.  the evening dew will kill the outdoor game at Simcoe.  the welly will have runs this fall and into the frost and into the snow we will go.

i want the love back.

i will get it.


rest in peace kirk.

Previous 101 List Completed | Start Working To Get Fit | There Is No Finish Line

#6 Completed | Sign up at a Fitness Gym & start a fitness plan designed by a personal trainer that will cover me till June 2012.

#7  Completed | Consult with a Food & Nutrition Specialist and design a plan to work with my fitness goals.

 My Photo Stream


In the late Fall of 2011 & the start of 2012… I started to go to the gym.  I needed that time to get away and burn off some frustration + energy.  I started to work with a personal trainer to help me use the machines and develop a plan.  I also consulted with a personal friend who developed a plan on eating.  (I’ve fallen off the wagon a bit over the past couple of weeks… but I’m excited to kick it up a notch this winter).

My Fitness Plan is in my Evernote along with my Food menu & ideas.  Jogging, Basketball Outside + Indoors along with being at the Gym = “going in the right direction”

I enjoy GoodLife Fitness in Ajax.  I like how it’s 24 hours during the week.  It was also great to drop more than 40 pounds this summer.

I am only looking forward!

Previous 101 List Completed| Lose The Man Inside The Man

Task: Loose a total of 50 pounds through a sensible long term plan of fitness and proper nutrition.  | Started this Jan 1st, 2012.  As of June 20th, 2012 down 25 pounds + as of Sept 2012 down 48 pounds.  As of November of 2012… I am down 60 pounds.  As of November 2014… I don’t have a clue… but I’ve gained some back.  I’m looking at getting fit this winter at the YMCA.  I’ve also started a Giveit100 project and you can find that in the “LINKS” pull down menu at the top.  My goal is to build muscle this winter and just make my mid section more “straight”.  

This one is a work in progress.  I know that things will go up and down.  I’m in the process of adding muscle to my body in my arms, shoulders and really… anything above the waist.  I will post some pictures soon.  But I’m happy of doing my goal of getting rid of 50 pounds in total since starting in January.

Excuse the scruffy instagram pic above from August of 2014


October of 2014 above.