Winter 22/23 | Merry Christmas

I’ve had the playlist above for a couple of years and I add some songs each year. I have some classics in there peppered in with some indie singer-songwriter stuff. I also have songs with some winter lyrics. At 8 hours of spinning without repeats of songs… I tried to find the version that I loved the most. Anyways… it’s mine and it’s my gift to you to spin.

Just a heads up that some songs are sad and lonely since some of us feel that at this time of year. Sure some of us have family or friends to fill the gaps and keep us busy… but as we get older there are people that are not with us anymore.

The middle of December marks the time my brother left this earth many years ago. This year is the one-year anniversary of my Dad’s passing. My mom was years ago. My uncle Hector just passed in Nova Scotia and he was a pillar of family, love and being together. He valued every day with his friends that he would connect with over a coffee.

Since the year feels like at this time feels more empty. Add Lexy to the mix above 312 days ago. Blocked. Why? Really? For selling a house for $40,000? But trying to help so making it 20k now and 20k maybe 15-20 years from now? So it would be easier to scrape up 20k now instead of 40. Does that mean that if it was 40K now… everything would be fine? Just sad. Losing my Dad a year ago… I didn’t know I would lose a big part of my family… especially Raymond and Renee… two special people that help me connect with a brother that I didn’t grow up with due to our age difference. Getting that phone call this past summer from Raymond saying I need to give him the keys to my Dad’s truck and it’s theirs since it comes with the house. Telling me I need to come to see him to get the keys back. Telling me to get a lawyer and that I’m stupid for not reading the fine print and not understanding when you sell a house with the property… it comes with the truck.

What the fuck. It’s fucking sad. Family should not be like this. These are the actions of three kids. I have not talked to Maggie since hugging her goodbye a year ago leaving Nova Scotia.

The morning when we were going to talk to the lawyer about my Dad’s estate and to ask questions… it was asked to simply sign over the old dilapidated farmhouse and the 40 acres to those who wanted to fix it up. Through Marg’s retirement and then Raymond’s.

I hope Marg understands the math. I hope she understands that it was nice to split it into two payments to make it affordable. I’m sure she understands that if my Brother was still alive that the old farmhouse would be half mine and half his. So when the property is valued at only $105k. I hope she understands that since my Dad removed both Raymond and Renee from his will after my Mother died since they were to get 10k each and made me the beneficiary of his estate. I hope she understands that on the morning before going to the lawyer I wasn’t going to simply give her the house. I hope she understands that 40k sounds fair. I hope she understands that I allowed it to just be 20k now and 20k upon her death. (My guess is that is what caused Lexy, Renee and Raymond) to be bitter. It’s like later they feel that I’m taking $6,666.66 each from them when they earn the farmhouse and 40 acres in 15-20 years. Again, they don’t realize that if didn’t do that more money and mortgage interest would be paid over the years.

They don’t understand that if I got that 2nd $20k now… I could invest it let’s say in Air Canada shown above. We all can see when covid happened. I hope the 3 kids can see the impact of getting $20k extra now and investing it and getting 1,044 shares at $19.15 per share. I hope they understand that when Air Canada can recover and get up to $55 per share… even if that is 6 years from now… that would be worth $57,441 dollars.

But nope. I hope they understand that I basically transferred a house for $20k to them now. Something that will be fixed up over time and loved. Then 3 kids will inherit a house and property for$6,666 each and I will get $20k that will probably be worth $17k in today’s dollars.

I hope the three kids will understand this. To the 3 kids… I love you. To Renee & Raymond… I love you so much. It’s not my decision if you don’t want me in your life. Renee, you are a passionate person for justice and what’s right. You remind me of my daughter. Raymond, I appreciate you letting me into your past when you opened up more last year about how hard growing up was. You are a great father without truly knowing one. Your hard work to raise two kids co-parenting is incredible. The sacrifices are too many to mention. I hope you find peace with your anger towards me.

Marg, I don’t know what you think. What you… truly think. Since we have not talked. I love you too. I know that you headed to Nova Scotia a year ago to retire and support my Dad and other families up there in age inside the east-shore ecosystem. I know you have had a difficult life after Dave died. My life changed more after Karen and I separated. We both are older. (you are winning that on me) 😉

I’m scared of you four. I’m scared to hear your thoughts. I’m scared I’ve lost family. I feel that I’ve lost you four already.

I know Dave would not want this. I know my Dad would not want this. I’m sure any Comeau’s, Saulnier’s, Dugas’s or anyone of these people would not want this.

All the math in the contract I talked about is true. All the math in this is true.

I got on the computer to type a little update this morning… it started with posting a Facebook cover page that was about Christmas. Then I wanted to link to some music for people to enjoy… with a Christmas playlist… then was going to write some words… but mentioned the playlist is a little sad… thought about Christmas and just started typing.

But… it’s me. It’s in my head. It’s how i’m feeling. I have many things to be thankful for and appreciate… and that will be another post probably close to New Year’s… but right now… it’s my honest thoughts.

This house is not worth losing family. Anyone outside any family would say that. I get that people should not type this stuff. I’m just sad about it. I feel it won’t get better after this transfer is finished.

I’m allowed to express my feelings. To my close friends and kids… I have.


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