Archive for the ‘Rambles’ Category

Making | Minimalism | The Film

Monday, May 8th, 2017


what a wonderful little doc.  simple and powerful.  i found Matt who directed and filmed it inspiring how he tackled this project.  he created a little series about the film and i wanted to share it.

the film is on netflix so please get a chance to share it.  they visited Toronto for a special little screening.


you can view the trailer and watch the little segments about the making of the film.


Falling In Love In Six Acts

Sunday, February 5th, 2017


In the summer of 1993… Nike had this pull out in women’s magazines.  This one was in Vanity Fair and I was reading it in Karen’s room and I remember I ripped out the pages.  I remember many women loved this spread.  I’m always an ekin.  It’s one of the most effective ads geared towards women.  It was a 12 page ad… which was wild.

At the bottom is a man reading it all in the YouTube vid.







Wired Writer Evan Ratliff Tried to Vanish: Here’s What Happened

Tuesday, November 22nd, 2016



This story is about a 40min read.  I would highly recommend reading it here with photos and video.  This story is one that I’m always sharing and wondering how impossible it would be to fall off the grid. 

August 13, 6:40 PM: I’m driving East out of San Francisco on I-80, fleeing my life under the cover of dusk. Having come to the interstate by a circuitous route, full of quick turns and double backs, I’m reasonably sure that no one is following me. I keep checking the rearview mirror anyway. From this point on, there’s no such thing as sure. Being too sure will get me caught.


I had intended to flee in broad daylight, but when you are going on the lam, there are a surprising number of last-minute errands to run. This morning, I picked up a set of professionally designed business cards for my fake company under my fake name, James Donald Gatz. I drove to a Best Buy, where I bought two prepaid cell phones with cash and then put a USB cord on my credit card — an arbitrary dollar amount I hoped would confuse investigators, who would scan my bill and wonder what gadgetry I had purchased. An oil change for my car was another head fake. Who would think that a guy about to sell his car would spend $60 at Oil Can Henry’s?

I already owned a couple of prepaid phones; I left one of the new ones with my girlfriend and mailed the other to my parents — giving them an untraceable way to contact me in emergencies. I bought some Just for Men beard-and-mustache dye at a drugstore. My final stop was the bank, to draw a $477 cashier’s check. It’s payment for rent on an anonymous office in Las Vegas, which is where I need to deliver the check by midday tomorrow.

Crossing the Bay Bridge, I glance back for a last nostalgic glimpse of the skyline. Then I reach over, slide the back cover off my cell phone, and pop out the battery. A cell phone with a battery inside is a cell phone that’s trackable.

About 25 minutes later, as the California Department of Transportation database will record, my green 1999 Honda Civic, California plates 4MUN509, passes through the tollbooth on the far side of the Carquinez Bridge, setting off the FasTrak toll device, and continues east toward Lake Tahoe.

What the digital trail will not reflect is that a few miles past the bridge I pull off the road, detach the FasTrak, and stuff it into the duffle bag in my trunk, where its signal can’t be detected. Nor will it note that I then double back on rural roads to I-5 and drive south through the night, cutting east at Bakersfield. There will be no digital record that at 4 am I hit Primm, Nevada, a sad little gambling town about 40 minutes from Vegas, where $15 cash gets me a room with a view of a gravel pile.

“Author Evan Ratliff Is on the Lam. Locate Him and Win $5,000.”
—, August 14, 2009 5:38 pm

Officially it will be another 24 hours before the manhunt begins. That’s when Wired‘s announcement of my disappearance will be posted online. It coincides with the arrival on newsstands of the September issue of the magazine, which contains a page of mugshot-like photos of me, eyes slightly vacant. The premise is simple: I will try to vanish for a month and start over under a new identity.Wired readers, or whoever else happens upon the chase, will try to find me.

The idea for the contest started with a series of questions, foremost among them: How hard is it to vanish in the digital age? Long fascinated by stories of faked deaths, sudden disappearances, and cat-and-mouse games between investigators and fugitives, I signed on to write a story forWired about people who’ve tried to end one life and start another. People fret about privacy, but what are the consequences of giving it all up, I wondered. What can investigators glean from all the digital fingerprints we leave behind? You can be anybody you want online, sure, but can you reinvent yourself in real life?

It’s one thing to report on the phenomenon of people disappearing. But to really understand it, I figured that I had to try it myself. So I decided to vanish. I would leave behind my loved ones, my home, and my name. I wasn’t going off the grid, dropping out to live in a cabin. Rather, I would actually try to drop my life and pick up another.

Wired offered a $5,000 bounty — $3,000 of which would come out of my own pocket — to anyone who could locate me between August 15 and September 15, say the password “fluke,” and take my picture. Nicholas Thompson, my editor, would have complete access to information that a private investigator hired to find me might uncover: my real bank accounts, credit cards, phone records, social networking accounts, and email. I’d give Thompson my friends’ contact information so he could conduct interviews. He would parcel out my personal details online, available to whichever amateur or professional investigators chose to hunt for me. To add a layer of intrigue, Wired hired the puzzle creators at Lone Shark Games to help structure the contest.


Click below to open the full cut and paste 😉



A Loss For Words | The Kids

Friday, February 26th, 2016


People that know me… know that things have gone from bad to worse with my ex.  Things were perfect and last summer after going camping with them for a week… things went nuts.

Don’t Tell Mom We Are Camping from Dan Deveau on Vimeo.

Looks like we had a great time.  After that.  She would not answer her phone.  She would not let them call me.  She would not let me call them to talk to them.  She just closed up.

I was suspose to have them for another week to fly them down to Nova Scotia so they can visit their Grandfather.  She would not answer any messages.  I could not book airfare since I didn’t know what was going on.  I had to ask work to push my week vacation since I didn’t want to waste it and I had to take it in November when the kids were in school.   I then flew to Nova Scotia alone to see my Dad.  I wish she didn’t have to wreck that.


Why is she doing this?



She won’t let the kids have messaging apps on their devices.  They don’t have wifi at home.  It’s impossible to message them.  The odd time I get lucky and my daughter connects somewhere like Tim Hortons.


You have no idea when I see her type back.  It feels like Christmas morning.


I’m at a loss for words.  I miss them so much.  It’s just not right.



I miss her.  I miss him.  I am totally shut out of their lives.


I always hear nothing back.  I can send one message per day and do that for 16 days in a row and I don’t get nothing back.  Not a time that I can call them.

It’s just not right.



I’m so frustrated.  I can’t see them.  I can’t communicate with them.  I can’t see how they are doing.  I can’t tell them I love them.  What happens if something happens to me.  What happens if a Drunk Driver kills me in a car crash?  Why does it have to be like this?  It’s one of the reasons I have this blog and make videos.  If something happens to me… it’s the only memories they have of me.  I just wish I could see and talk to them.

I’m at a loss for words.

What do they think?

I know they know that I can’t call them.

They know the reason that when they ask their Mom what the phone number of the landline in the house is and she says “she doesn’t know it”… they know.  They know that she doesn’t want to tell them the phone number that she thinks they will tell me the number and that I can call them.

Why is it so wrong not to allow them to talk to me on a phone?  Does that hurt them?

No… the Mom knows it hurts me.  That’s why.  That’s why it’s a private unlisted number so her Mother and her Sister can call her.  It’s just not right.

How come she calls the police if I show up and knock on the door and ask if they can come out so I can talk to them.  She has done that 3 times.  The last time there was a woman police officer and she could not believe it.  Before I left I asked her if she can go to their Mom and ask her if I can talk to them for 5 minutes.  The Mom said no.

I’m glad she called the police so I could go to the station and get a copy of the police report since it’s proof how stupid this is.

I’m at a loss for words.  Today… I typed a little.

I now have to waste money fighting in courts for her to allow me to talk to them and for her to let me see them and spend time with them.

I honestly don’t know how to put this into words…

Be A Man | A Real Man | FRED et marie | Part One + Two

Monday, October 5th, 2015


FRED et marie (English subtitles) from fredetmarie on Vimeo.


Two great shorts on the blog today.  A great message for Women & Men… as well as young teens that will grow up and hopefully mature into good people. Have respect for people especially the ones that you love & cherish.

Part Two is below…

Marie et Fred (English subtitles) from fredetmarie on Vimeo.

What Do You Fear? |What I Fear | What People I Know Fear

Sunday, August 23rd, 2015


I came across this video about 3 months ago and it sparked some thought for me.  I was also curious to what people thought that I knew.  I sent out about 100 emails through FB asking people I knew to reply back.  I told them I would not name them and that I would just cut + paste replies.

The video above was done and the request they sent out was asking anyone to leave them a video message via Skype telling them what they feared. They received over 2500 submissions from twenty countries around the world. The following is a compilation of those messages.

Since the people in the video looked like around the 20 year old mark… I wanted to ask people I knew that was over 30.  Below is their responses.

People are still sending me replies so I will just add them in to the post as they come in.


Woman | Mid 40’s | So many fears as my kids approach the age of leaving me!! However I think my biggest fear is being alone when I am older. Like between 60-80. The golden years alone would be sad. We work so hard when we are young that not to have someone to share those years with would be awful.

Woman | Mid 40’s | The one thing and only thing I fear in life and that is my kids getting sick with an incurable disease and not being able to go through a full life.

Woman | Mid 40’s | Honestly? I already had my deepest fear, loosing both parents. Single with only a few short term relationships in the past 7 years, my deepest fear is not finding love again. To die alone and to feel that my life was never complete.

Man | Mid 40’s | I’d have to say at this age my fears would be retirement and financial security and aging along with possible health issues that could happen as we age

Woman | Mid 30’s | As for my list of fears….i have way too many to list lol… but the ones that stand out the most for me ( and many others too) – is; public speaking…..heights….wasps lol….snakes.  Those are pretty generic. From a very personal and emotional point of view – I fear exposing myself, fear vulnerability – I’m scared of having to go through another separation one day….wayyyyy down the road ( i’m going through a messy one as I write this) …

Woman | Early 40’s | I fear the unknown future for our kids with all of the war & climate change we face in today’s society. Otherwise just spiders

Man | Mid 40’s | I fear dying and not being able to see my kids grow into adulthood… I am going to need a heart transplant in 5ish years

Woman | Early 30’s |  I know a few things about this must seem ridiculous. Firstly, that from all the fears in the world, from venomous snakes to crazed killers to the uncertainty of death, that being ordinary would be what petrifies me. But I’m not afraid of anything else, and I’m not ashamed to admit the cause of my deepest anxiety.

That one day I’ll wake up and discover I’m average. That nothing stands out about me. That I have no discerning qualities, no noteworthy characteristics, that nothing within me thirsts for more. That one day, I’ll discover I’m unremarkable. That one day, I’ll just be a shadow.

What is interesting about this reality is that I’m also terrified to demonstrate vulnerability. Yet, as Brene Brown says in her book, “Daring Greatly”, in order to be creative and innovative and to truly stand out you MUST be vulnerable. I fear that if I showcase the most remarkable things about me they could be rejected and I will be just a shadow.

Woman | Mid 40’s | I fear that people are going to start seeing me the way I see myself.

Man | Almost 40 | Cows – those big paranoid eyes beading on me. #getaway #cityboy

Woman | Mid 40’s | I’ve had few deaths in my family over the summer and some single people like myself and what resonated with me was how everyone was extremely saddened that they died alone … My fear is dying alone and will just be alone in general with nobody to share my life with.

Man | Mid 40’s with an ugly jump shot 😉 | Fear of failing and large bugs.

Man | Early 40’s | I fear my parents and my elder siblings and family in general passing away. It’s life changing and the next big change to happen in life. It scares me because I consider myself a family man and to lose them would devastate me. It really scares me.

Man | Early 40’s | My profession has definitely hardened me from an emotional standpoint; however, my fears I find are now much more organic. I fear losing love, particularly that of Kim or Danni. I fear this mostly because I truly believe I have found ‘true love’– the kind that would be crippling to my stability if I were to lose it.

I also fear the flip side of not being able to see Danni daily. Lord forbid something were to happen to me at work.

Woman | Mid 40’s | I fear ….disease. As we are pre- disposed to cancer I have to say that I research many facts and stats, but always fear that the chances of any of my family members getting and battling cancer are truly great. Even when we think we eat well there are preservatives in our foods – this does not help our family that has cancerous genes.

Man | Mid 40’s | My biggest fear is dying before I can walk my daughter down the aisle on her wedding day.

Man | Early 40’s | My greatest fear is definitely living an unfulfilled life. At an old age I don’t want to look back and feel that I have wasted my life and not lived up to my potential. But trying to work on that it’s never too late right?

Woman | Mid 40’s | I fear that my children will never be proud of me . I’ve made mistakes in life… my marriage failed… I’ve had financial disaster… I’ve been in deadly dating scenarios. I feel like the bad … overpowers the good sometimes . I often feel judged… not good enough. Not a strong enough role model. My hope is that one day they will both appreciate that while I may work alot to provide for them… I really wish I was hanging out with them. I hope that one day I’m a person they can say … yup that’s my mum and she rocks… rather than an embarrassment. The last 4 years have been rough… but I’m recreating a healthier, more positive ME… and I fear that my children won’t look back on their childhood and have happy memories …. I want them to recognize and appreciate the resiliency of not only me… but of themselves. My biggest fear is that they never have the sense of … hey mum… through it all, you did a good job of raising us. We are so proud and lucky to have you. Cause at the end of the day… they are my everything

Woman | Late 30’s | My biggest fear is that I have not prepared my kids enough to handle relationships. When my kids were being bullied and treated in an unfair way by others, I always taught them that they have to be on some sort of terms with everyone because we lived in such a small town. I am afraid that I have taught them to let others’ needs be more important than their own. I am fearful that others will take advantage of them. I want them to be strong. I want them to know that they can walk away from unhealthy situations. But I fear they may put others needs before there own resulting in an unbalance.

Man | Mid 40’s | Mines simple. My greatest fear is to be alone. But in the same breath I fear of hurting the person I could be with. So I isolate my self from being loved but yet I keep a lot of people around me but at a distance.

Man | Mid 40’s | What do I fear? – In all honesty the only thing I fear is the safety and future of my kids. That they go through life confident, humble successful, caring, modest and happy not only in there professional but also in their personal lives. Even though they will be prepared to deal with the wickedness and evilness of people in this world. I hope they never have to come across them

On a lighter note, I fear tight spaces.

Man | Late 30’s | The thing I fear most, hmm… Probably inactivity. Not trying to achieve what i want to have, out of lol fear.  I decided to never be afraid again

Woman | 30’s |   Fear. I fear scary looking dogs, I fear getting old, fear dying young. Fear of commitment, fear of not being committed too. Fear of falling in love, fear of never falling in love. Fear of rejection. Fear of abandonment. I’m afraid of change, and afraid of not being able to change.

Man | Late 30’s | First thing that comes to mind is the fear of losing my wife and children.  I think every husband/father would agree

Woman | Mid 40’s | I fear daddy long legs. I fear death. It scares to me to think about getting old and waiting to die or worse not getting old.

Man | Mid 30’s | The thing I fear most, hmm… Probably inactivity. Not trying to achieve what i want to have, out of lol fear. I decided to never be afraid again

Man | Late 30’s | I fear getting old and not being able to walk, ride my bike and motorcycle, f**K, run, hike, think, eat whatever I want, climb, etc.

Woman | Mid 30’s | Lately, as I have been watching my children, suddenly, for a split second, I become terrified about something horrible happening to them the next moment. It is often a slightly plausible but wholly improbable event that would befall them. In that moment, I experience absolute terror that I will lose them, and sheer relief after the moment passes. A few years ago, I met a woman who was potentially going to provide home daycare for my son. A few months later I learned that her oldest son (out of 3) and her husband were killed in a horrible car accident. I often think about her. I fear losing one of my children and trying to find the will to live afterwards. I fear finding out that one of them has a terminal disease. It feels like as a parent, I will always have this fear inside me of not being able to control what happens to them.

Woman | Mid 30’s | I have a list of my fears with some being common but others being silly.

I’m scared of being old and alone. I don’t have siblings or any close friends and even if my parents are alive at that point, I’m not close with either of them. I don’t want to be that sad old lady that has no family and ends up in an old age home watching the other elderly have their families visit them.

I’m scared of failing as a parent but I know I’m not the only one out there. I’m scared that we won’t be close and that he’ll dread visiting me the few times he should a year.

I’m scared of not having enough money when I retire and that I will have to struggle to make ends meet. I don’t want to work 50+ years then not be able to enjoy the remainder of my life.

I’m scared of becoming a hoarder, getting divorced (again), not being able to provide for my child, my house burning down, being robbed and last but certainly not least being abducted by aliens (I did say some were silly fears lol).

That is just some of my rational and irrational fears that I try to not spend too much time dwelling on because I will drive myself crazy.


Me | I’m 45 and separated and for the most part… I feel alone, thankful and grateful for the little that I have.  Being disconnected from my kids… I fear that they don’t know me.  The reason for this blog in a way.  I fear that the mother of my kids is telling them that I don’t care about them they way I do.  They know I do, but I fear they have doubt since I don’t know what she tells them about me.  That’s my biggest fear.  I laugh and casually tell people that I know that I’m going to get hit by a bus… but what that really means is that I won’t be able to say “goodbye” to people and my life will be cut short.  My Brother died of Cancer at 36 years old and left two kids behind when they were small and my nephew was so small that he doesn’t have vivid memories of him.  He can see pictures of them together and he feels he can remember the moment but is not sure if he remembers the picture and visualizes what the memory was like.  So that’s my fear that my legacy in the minds of my kids will not be vivid to what I would want it to be.  Since I have two kids.  My biggest fears surround them.



Thanks to those I reached out to via messenger through Facebook and replied back to me.