Archive for the ‘Rambles’ Category

What Do You Fear? |What I Fear | What People I Know Fear

Sunday, August 23rd, 2015

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I came across this video about 3 months ago and it sparked some thought for me.  I was also curious to what people thought that I knew.  I sent out about 100 emails through FB asking people I knew to reply back.  I told them I would not name them and that I would just cut + paste replies.

The video above was done and the request they sent out was asking anyone to leave them a video message via Skype telling them what they feared. They received over 2500 submissions from twenty countries around the world. The following is a compilation of those messages.

Since the people in the video looked like around the 20 year old mark… I wanted to ask people I knew that was over 30.  Below is their responses.

People are still sending me replies so I will just add them in to the post as they come in.

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Woman | Mid 40’s | So many fears as my kids approach the age of leaving me!! However I think my biggest fear is being alone when I am older. Like between 60-80. The golden years alone would be sad. We work so hard when we are young that not to have someone to share those years with would be awful.

Woman | Mid 40’s | The one thing and only thing I fear in life and that is my kids getting sick with an incurable disease and not being able to go through a full life.

Woman | Mid 40’s | Honestly? I already had my deepest fear, loosing both parents. Single with only a few short term relationships in the past 7 years, my deepest fear is not finding love again. To die alone and to feel that my life was never complete.

Man | Mid 40’s | I’d have to say at this age my fears would be retirement and financial security and aging along with possible health issues that could happen as we age

Woman | Mid 30’s | As for my list of fears….i have way too many to list lol… but the ones that stand out the most for me ( and many others too) – is; public speaking…..heights….wasps lol….snakes.  Those are pretty generic. From a very personal and emotional point of view – I fear exposing myself, fear vulnerability – I’m scared of having to go through another separation one day….wayyyyy down the road ( i’m going through a messy one as I write this) …

Woman | Early 40’s | I fear the unknown future for our kids with all of the war & climate change we face in today’s society. Otherwise just spiders

Man | Mid 40’s | I fear dying and not being able to see my kids grow into adulthood… I am going to need a heart transplant in 5ish years

Woman | Early 30’s |  I know a few things about this must seem ridiculous. Firstly, that from all the fears in the world, from venomous snakes to crazed killers to the uncertainty of death, that being ordinary would be what petrifies me. But I’m not afraid of anything else, and I’m not ashamed to admit the cause of my deepest anxiety.

That one day I’ll wake up and discover I’m average. That nothing stands out about me. That I have no discerning qualities, no noteworthy characteristics, that nothing within me thirsts for more. That one day, I’ll discover I’m unremarkable. That one day, I’ll just be a shadow.

What is interesting about this reality is that I’m also terrified to demonstrate vulnerability. Yet, as Brene Brown says in her book, “Daring Greatly”, in order to be creative and innovative and to truly stand out you MUST be vulnerable. I fear that if I showcase the most remarkable things about me they could be rejected and I will be just a shadow.

Woman | Mid 40’s | I fear that people are going to start seeing me the way I see myself.

Man | Almost 40 | Cows – those big paranoid eyes beading on me. #getaway #cityboy

Woman | Mid 40’s | I’ve had few deaths in my family over the summer and some single people like myself and what resonated with me was how everyone was extremely saddened that they died alone … My fear is dying alone and will just be alone in general with nobody to share my life with.

Man | Mid 40’s with an ugly jump shot 😉 | Fear of failing and large bugs.

Man | Early 40’s | I fear my parents and my elder siblings and family in general passing away. It’s life changing and the next big change to happen in life. It scares me because I consider myself a family man and to lose them would devastate me. It really scares me.

Man | Early 40’s | My profession has definitely hardened me from an emotional standpoint; however, my fears I find are now much more organic. I fear losing love, particularly that of Kim or Danni. I fear this mostly because I truly believe I have found ‘true love’– the kind that would be crippling to my stability if I were to lose it.

I also fear the flip side of not being able to see Danni daily. Lord forbid something were to happen to me at work.

Woman | Mid 40’s | I fear ….disease. As we are pre- disposed to cancer I have to say that I research many facts and stats, but always fear that the chances of any of my family members getting and battling cancer are truly great. Even when we think we eat well there are preservatives in our foods – this does not help our family that has cancerous genes.

Man | Mid 40’s | My biggest fear is dying before I can walk my daughter down the aisle on her wedding day.

Man | Early 40’s | My greatest fear is definitely living an unfulfilled life. At an old age I don’t want to look back and feel that I have wasted my life and not lived up to my potential. But trying to work on that it’s never too late right?

Woman | Mid 40’s | I fear that my children will never be proud of me . I’ve made mistakes in life… my marriage failed… I’ve had financial disaster… I’ve been in deadly dating scenarios. I feel like the bad … overpowers the good sometimes . I often feel judged… not good enough. Not a strong enough role model. My hope is that one day they will both appreciate that while I may work alot to provide for them… I really wish I was hanging out with them. I hope that one day I’m a person they can say … yup that’s my mum and she rocks… rather than an embarrassment. The last 4 years have been rough… but I’m recreating a healthier, more positive ME… and I fear that my children won’t look back on their childhood and have happy memories …. I want them to recognize and appreciate the resiliency of not only me… but of themselves. My biggest fear is that they never have the sense of … hey mum… through it all, you did a good job of raising us. We are so proud and lucky to have you. Cause at the end of the day… they are my everything

Woman | Late 30’s | My biggest fear is that I have not prepared my kids enough to handle relationships. When my kids were being bullied and treated in an unfair way by others, I always taught them that they have to be on some sort of terms with everyone because we lived in such a small town. I am afraid that I have taught them to let others’ needs be more important than their own. I am fearful that others will take advantage of them. I want them to be strong. I want them to know that they can walk away from unhealthy situations. But I fear they may put others needs before there own resulting in an unbalance.

Man | Mid 40’s | Mines simple. My greatest fear is to be alone. But in the same breath I fear of hurting the person I could be with. So I isolate my self from being loved but yet I keep a lot of people around me but at a distance.

Man | Mid 40’s | What do I fear? – In all honesty the only thing I fear is the safety and future of my kids. That they go through life confident, humble successful, caring, modest and happy not only in there professional but also in their personal lives. Even though they will be prepared to deal with the wickedness and evilness of people in this world. I hope they never have to come across them

On a lighter note, I fear tight spaces.

Man | Late 30’s | The thing I fear most, hmm… Probably inactivity. Not trying to achieve what i want to have, out of lol fear.  I decided to never be afraid again

Woman | 30’s |   Fear. I fear scary looking dogs, I fear getting old, fear dying young. Fear of commitment, fear of not being committed too. Fear of falling in love, fear of never falling in love. Fear of rejection. Fear of abandonment. I’m afraid of change, and afraid of not being able to change.

Man | Late 30’s | First thing that comes to mind is the fear of losing my wife and children.  I think every husband/father would agree

Woman | Mid 40’s | I fear daddy long legs. I fear death. It scares to me to think about getting old and waiting to die or worse not getting old.

Man | Mid 30’s | The thing I fear most, hmm… Probably inactivity. Not trying to achieve what i want to have, out of lol fear. I decided to never be afraid again

Man | Late 30’s | I fear getting old and not being able to walk, ride my bike and motorcycle, f**K, run, hike, think, eat whatever I want, climb, etc.

Woman | Mid 30’s | Lately, as I have been watching my children, suddenly, for a split second, I become terrified about something horrible happening to them the next moment. It is often a slightly plausible but wholly improbable event that would befall them. In that moment, I experience absolute terror that I will lose them, and sheer relief after the moment passes. A few years ago, I met a woman who was potentially going to provide home daycare for my son. A few months later I learned that her oldest son (out of 3) and her husband were killed in a horrible car accident. I often think about her. I fear losing one of my children and trying to find the will to live afterwards. I fear finding out that one of them has a terminal disease. It feels like as a parent, I will always have this fear inside me of not being able to control what happens to them.

Woman | Mid 30’s | I have a list of my fears with some being common but others being silly.

I’m scared of being old and alone. I don’t have siblings or any close friends and even if my parents are alive at that point, I’m not close with either of them. I don’t want to be that sad old lady that has no family and ends up in an old age home watching the other elderly have their families visit them.

I’m scared of failing as a parent but I know I’m not the only one out there. I’m scared that we won’t be close and that he’ll dread visiting me the few times he should a year.

I’m scared of not having enough money when I retire and that I will have to struggle to make ends meet. I don’t want to work 50+ years then not be able to enjoy the remainder of my life.

I’m scared of becoming a hoarder, getting divorced (again), not being able to provide for my child, my house burning down, being robbed and last but certainly not least being abducted by aliens (I did say some were silly fears lol).

That is just some of my rational and irrational fears that I try to not spend too much time dwelling on because I will drive myself crazy.

 

Me | I’m 45 and separated and for the most part… I feel alone, thankful and grateful for the little that I have.  Being disconnected from my kids… I fear that they don’t know me.  The reason for this blog in a way.  I fear that the mother of my kids is telling them that I don’t care about them they way I do.  They know I do, but I fear they have doubt since I don’t know what she tells them about me.  That’s my biggest fear.  I laugh and casually tell people that I know that I’m going to get hit by a bus… but what that really means is that I won’t be able to say “goodbye” to people and my life will be cut short.  My Brother died of Cancer at 36 years old and left two kids behind when they were small and my nephew was so small that he doesn’t have vivid memories of him.  He can see pictures of them together and he feels he can remember the moment but is not sure if he remembers the picture and visualizes what the memory was like.  So that’s my fear that my legacy in the minds of my kids will not be vivid to what I would want it to be.  Since I have two kids.  My biggest fears surround them.

 

 

Thanks to those I reached out to via messenger through Facebook and replied back to me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

A Short

Sunday, April 19th, 2015

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Andrew is a broken man. He has recently discovered his wife has been having an affair but doesn’t have the strength of will to confront her about it. Instead, Andrew has tracked down his wife’s lover, Darren, at his place of work.

D.I.Y – A short film by Josh & Mitch from JAM Flicks on Vimeo.

OSE Video Nine | First Two Weeks Of April 2015

Friday, April 17th, 2015

tumblr_myya4wyu6L1t0ddx9o1_400Below is the little video for the first two weeks of April.  I’ll try harder to cut them down.

No Talkie | No Responsie

Wednesday, March 25th, 2015

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it’s been how long?

stubborn

controlling

it’s not fair to them

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Ball Season Soon | Throwback | West Coast Love

Sunday, March 22nd, 2015

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Last year… Kland on the west coast sent me a little package out of the blue from a cycling hat I posted on my tumblr.

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I used to play ball in a cycling cap… which i need to fix so I can bring it out of retirement.  Klands cap was on me everytime I played ball last year.  The sun is out today and I’m starting to think the courts will be ready soon for some shooting drills to get the old man’s game back.

I was cleaning out my laptop and found the little “thank you” video from last year and wanted to post.  Your an awesome friend and looking forward to flying out to eat some of the wonderful stuff you instagram all the time!1-IMG_9876 1-tumblr_mr46n2yX5J1qeqfrto1_500

Summer Road Trip Songs | Editing My Playlist

Tuesday, January 20th, 2015

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I’m cleaning up the “Road Trip” playlists that have more indie rock and songs that would be perfect for a long trip up north in the summer with the windows down.  I’m working right now on more of a retro feel with the 2nd one.

The first one is released now and you can find it here.

Enjoy!